How to Ask for Money (And Actually Get It)

Let’s get one thing straight: Asking for money is not the same as begging. If you think it is, you might as well throw on a tattered coat, grab a tin cup, and start rattling it on a street corner. But that’s not fundraising—that’s just bad career planning. Fundraising is about building relationships, inspiring generosity, and giving people the chance to be part of something bigger than themselves. It’s a privilege, not a plea.

Understanding Donor Psychology: The Giving Paradox

Here’s the paradox: Donors like to give, but they don’t like being asked. Think about it. When was the last time you enjoyed getting a call from someone asking for money? Exactly. But when you voluntarily donate to a cause you love, it feels great. That’s why the key to fundraising isn’t asking—it’s creating an environment where giving feels natural and rewarding.

Research shows that charitable giving activates pleasure centers in the brain (joy of giving) similar to those triggered by food and social connection. When donors contribute to causes they care about, they experience what researchers call a “helper’s high”—a sense of satisfaction and joy that can be physically and emotionally rewarding.

The Strategic Approach: Donor Segmentation

There are different ways to ask for money. Let’s start by examining your donor segmentation. At the least, every nonprofit organization has three segments: major donors, middle donors, and everyday donors. The method in which you approach each one varies.

Major Donors: The Relationship Investment

All donors are important, but major donors are those people with a high inclination to give to your cause, as well as the means to make a transformational gift. Some of these folks self-identify—out of the blue you’ll receive a surprisingly large donation with zero cultivation. But that’s about as common as finding an honest mechanic who tells you, “Nah, your car’s fine.”

The Science of Identifying Major Donors

To up your chances of ramping up your major giving, conduct a wealth screening of your entire donor database. (This is the “science” part.) Firms such as DonorSearch can help.

As a result, you’ll be able to segment your donors and potential donors much more efficiently and focus on building personal relationships with your best-rated prospects. Create an individual strategy for each and remember it takes around 6-8 “touches” before you can even think about asking for money. (This is the “art” part.)

Don’t be surprised if some of the people you thought were everyday donors possess major gift potential. A potential or existing major donor needs to be asked for money in person. If you know they prefer a proposal, create one and bring it with you. And for the love of all things holy, don’t ambush them with an ask while they’re balancing a plate at your gala buffet.

The Power of Middle Donors: Your Growth Engine

With middle donors, wealth screening can be enlightening, helping you identify those who could move up in their giving. Perhaps someone gives you $1,000 every December. Can that amount be nudged up slightly? Middle donors who are younger and enjoying higher capacity could become your future major gift prospects. Treat them accordingly—without scaring them off like a used-car salesman in a plaid jacket.

Middle donors often represent your organization’s greatest growth potential. They’ve already demonstrated commitment beyond the occasional gift but may not yet have the capacity (or inclination) for major giving. A personalized approach that falls between mass communications and individual cultivation can yield significant results with this group.

Everyday Donors and Their Legacy Potential

And for your everyday donors, looking at their capacity can help you see who might be able to give at a higher level. If you’re thinking about launching a monthly giving program, these people will likely make up the bulk of that group. Email touches, a coordinated annual appeal using an omnichannel approach, and speedy gift acknowledgments work well in terms of donor retention.

Don’t forget to look at RFM scores. Recency, Frequency, and Money that Joe Garecht covers in his program. Scores show you how loyal and committed donors are to your organization. Small and medium givers with high RFM scores can often be successfully brought into your legacy program. If they’ve been giving you $50 every year for the past 15 years, they’re either highly dedicated or they just haven’t noticed your auto-draft. Either way, they’re primed for deeper engagement.

Remember that for everyday donors, death is likely the largest liquidity event in their lifetime, especially if they don’t have heirs. This allows them to make an impactful gift to an organization they love. Direct your everyday donors to Legacy Planner where they can write—or amend—their will at no cost to them.