Fundraising Strategy, Stewardship

The Case of the Missing Spouse

No. This isn’t a murder mystery.

It’s a warning.

Married couples – and attached people in general – make giving decisions and donations together. A recent survey finds that giving “together” is a shared activity many couples enjoy.

So why would a fundraiser forget to include the spouse in a gift request?

Not long ago I was invited by the CEO and CDO of a nonprofit organization “for lunch.” As a fundraiser for decades, my antennae were up.

Were they setting me up for a gift request? Impossible. If they were, surely they would have included my husband, right?

Lunch was at an outdoor restaurant near the charity’s campus. The CEO and CDO peppered me with questions and I happily offered pro-bono advice. Finally, as our plates emptied, I couldn’t resist asking.

“So, are you going to ask me to support your campaign?”

The CDO stammered. She even blushed.

“Well of course we hope you will support it, but this was really just to seek your advice.”

I couldn’t let her off the hook. Maybe this was a teachable moment.

“Because if you were going to ask, I’m sure you would have invited my husband, too.”

A few weeks passed.

One morning an email arrived from the CDO. It was long and included several attachments.

Sure enough, it was a gift request – sent only to me.

For a second time, she failed to include my husband.

Will I give? Yes, of course, because I care about this charity and want it to succeed.

Will I give a large, multi-year campaign commitment?

Probably not.

Or at least not until this organization solves the case of the missing spouse.

Lisa Hillman

Lisa Hillman, FAHP, has more than 40 years’ experience in the development, public relations and marketing arena. Today she enjoys applying her considerable fundraising experience and skills towards helping clients advance their missions. Recent projects include National Public Radio in Washington, DC, the Make-A-Wish Foundation in Broward County, Florida, and Living Classrooms Foundation in Baltimore, Maryland. She also continues to advise the Anne Arundel Medical Center in Annapolis, Maryland where she devoted more than 35 years helping to build a highly successful fundraising program. Lisa began her career as a broadcast journalist for Annapolis, Baltimore and Washington DC radio stations. Her on-air experience includes hosting a weekly, live interview show, feature and news reporting, anchoring evening broadcasts, and covering Maryland politics. The call to serve non-profit organizations emerged in the 1980s when Lisa became Anne Arundel Medical Center (AAMC)’s first Director of Public Relations. Following a brief period with the Johns Hopkins Children’s Center, she returned to AAMC as Executive Director of its Foundation. During her tenure as President of the AAMC Foundation, she helped to professionalize the Foundation by instituting policies and procedures, building a 25-member Board of Directors, establishing annual and planned giving programs, and overseeing four capital campaigns. In a period of tremendous growth for the health system, she helped to raise more than $100 million for capital expansion and new programs. Active in professional associations throughout her career, Lisa has served as Chair of the Board of Directors of the Association for Healthcare Philanthropy (AHP). She earned her Fellows in Healthcare Philanthropy in 2005 and the Certified Fund Raising Executive (CFRE) designation in 1997. A resident of Annapolis, Maryland, she currently serves on the boards of Pathways, a 40-bed substance abuse treatment center, and Samaritan House, a men’s 32-bed recovery program. She is Vice Chair of the McNew Family Medical Center, a 16-bed hospital for behavioral health. A graduate of Leadership Maryland and Leadership Anne Arundel, she has been named one of the Daily Record’s Top 100 Women in Maryland. As a writer, Lisa actively pursues writing and editing opportunities and is published in area magazines and journals. Her first book, a memoir, Secret No More, was published by Apprentice House in 2017. Since then, she has addressed more than 70 groups across the country on the effects of addiction on families.